Delaware's Getting Lucky Tonight

Hey all you Corey Dargel fans out there, I know you're all waiting with baited breath for the long-delayed second half of my appreciation, but in the meantime I got this press release in the mail, and I'm afraid there's no amount of snark or silliness that would make it more enjoyable than it already is, so here's me copyin' and pastin' that mofo. Upshot: concerts TONIGHT, SATURDAY, and MONDAY, in Wilmington, Philly, and NYC, respectively. Details:

Hello everyone. Ever wonder why classical musicians have the longest and most frequent masturbatory sessions of any demographic?* Avian Music attempts to answer this question (or inspire the tendency) by encouraging composers to be more sexually explicit in their music. Avian presents its "Love Machines and Shameless Hussies" concert in Wilmington, Philadelphia, and New York City respectively Jan. 29, Jan. 31, and Feb. 2. (details below). *Source: "Self-Actualizations of Repressed Sexual Desires in Classical Musicians," Journal of High-Art Medicine, Issue 302, July 2006 I'm particularly excited about these concerts because Avian has commissioned what will be my first classical chamber music piece in more than seven years! Yes, I've temporarily abandoned my drum machines and synthesizers in exchange for a Baroque soprano, flute, piano, violin, and 'cello, but I haven't stopped downloading porn while composing. My piece, "Sexual Side Effects," is a 12-minute song cycle dealing tenderly with issues of impotence, sexual anxiety, distraction, and inadequacy. Bring a date! Other works on the program include: Conrad Cummings' and Michael Korie's hilarious (and beautiful) neo-baroque song cycle, "Positions 1956," based on marriage and sex manuals from the 1950s. Peter Flint's "Three Songs;" Joseph Hallman's "Pornstar Paradox;" Raymond Lustig's "The Moon Ascending;" and Miss Dirty Martini's live reconstruction of Sally Rand's legendary fan dance set to Debussy's Clair de Lune. Details about the performances: Jan. 29, 2009 6:30pm sharp - Wilmington, DE Delaware Center for Contemporary Arts 200 South Madison Street $10 Call 302-656-6466 to make reservations. Jan. 31, 2009 8pm sharp - Philadelphia, PA with Chamber Music Now! The Community Education Center 3500 Lancaster Avenue $20/$12 students To purchase tickets call 800-595-4849 Feb. 2, 2009 7pm sharp - New York, NY Le Poisson Rouge (ages 18+ only, unless accompanied by a guardian) 158 Bleecker Street $10 To purchase tickets call 212-505-FISH For more info and to reserve tickets online, visit www.avianmusic.com Performed by AVIAN MUSIC featuring Laura Heimes, Chris Pedro Trakas, Arash Amini, Cyrus Beroukhim, Andrew Sterman, and Blair McMillen Love, Corey